A Boy in a Stitch
by L. Carrigan
Summary: Freddie Benson is growing up. TRAILER INSIDE. creddie. seddie. two surprise crack!pairings. WARNING: angst ahead.
1. Trailer

**a/n:** i'm jumping on the fanfic trailer train! ive read a couple of the wonderful fanfic trailers on here and thought it was fun to try one out. haha please note that this probably wont make any sense until you read the story. i wrote this and pictured a lot of montages. i was inspired by the trailer of the movie the virgin suicides. enjoy!

**disclaimer:** i dont own iCarly. property of nickelodeon and dan schneider.

_(Music: "Playground Love" by Air)_

**He was the dreamer and she was the dream…**

_I'm a high school lover and you're my favorite flavor. Love is all, all my soul. You're my playground love…_

Freddie watching Carly from the back of the classroom lovingly. Carly turns around and smiles at him and he smiles back.

Outside walking, "You're been in love with Carly Shay since middle school…don't you think it's a tad bit pathetic?" Sam asked.

"If wanting Carly Shay means I'm pathetic then my middle name shall be 'Pathetic'. Freddie Pathetic Benson…I like it." Freddie replied.

_Anytime, anywhere…you're my playground love_

Freddie and Carly standing outside her door "I don't know what I would do without you" she whispered holding his hand "You're my best friend…"

"Of course…"

_(Music: "The Word 'Hurricane'" by Air)_

**When he couldn't have what he wanted, he found alternatives…**

Sam holding Freddie "Pretend I'm Carly…" she whispered as she kissed him.

Valerie dragging Freddie inside her home "Come on, my parents are gone…"

Mrs. Ackerman sitting on her desk in front of Freddie "I've been concerned about you, Mr. Benson…" she says licking her lips and crossing her legs as if she was going to devour him.

Freddie and Nevel at a house party kissing with flashing lights and pulsing music all around them.

_(Music: "Right Here, Right Now" by Fatboy Slim)_

**The world was spinning around him…**

Jonah hands Freddie a bag of cocaine "I know you're stressed over that Carly chick, but this can help you, bro…"

Freddie walking loopy out in the street and feels his nose start to bleed.

"I want to help you!" Carly yells.

"You're a cock tease!" Freddie yells back.

"There is something wrong with Freddie…" Mrs. Benson sobs "He's not the same person…"

"Spencer and I are moving to California…" Carly stares sadly into Freddie's eyes

**LOVE.SEX.DEATH.PASSION.FEAR.OBSESSION.**

Freddie, Sam, and Jonah at a dark nightclub

Police bringing Freddie back home

**LOVE.SEX.DEATH.PASSION.FEAR.OBSESSION.**

Sam inside a car looking nervous, panicked and worried.

Freddie running in the middle of the street late at night.

**Just like life.**

Freddie arriving at beach and finding Carly in a wedding dress looking back at him.

_**A BOY IN A STITCH.**_


	2. Mr Awkward

**A/N: **great! i finaly finish the first chapter! this originaly was supposed to be a oneshot but with all the elements i was going to use, it turned into a full blown chapter story. enjoy!

**WARNING: **this story contains sexual situations, vulgar language, and drug use.

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**Mr. Awkward.**

Sixth grade found twelve year old Freddie Benson learning all about puberty and the changes in his body. It was nine o clock in the morning and he was watching a film called _From Boy to Man_. Okay, so he really wasn't watching it. While the girls laughed at the film, the boys making fun of it, and the teacher trying to calm every one down, Freddie sunk his attention towards an issue of _Wired _magazine. Tech stuff. He could care less about what was happening to him just as long as he knew how to adjust the white balance on a projector.

At the end of seventh grade and the beginning of eighth, it was a nice summer day when Freddie decided to go out and get a smoothie. As he came out of his apartment, that weird artist guy Spencer Shay, from across the hall, was just coming inside his place. With a little girl who looked about Freddie's age beside him. "Hey. Freddo!" Spencer greeted with that ever present goofyness "Oh, this is my little sister Carly! She's gonna be living with me. Carly, this is Freddie. Lives just across the hall."

And then that's when it happened. When Carly Shay smiled, Freddie couldn't breathe, move, or do anything physical. The only movement he could do was smile like the village idiot.

"Oh hey. I think I've seen you around school…" Carly said.

"Oh yeah me too! I mean, I don't see myself around school but of course I'm there and…" Freddie wanted to punch himself in the stomach.

After that, Spencer hurried Carly inside the apartment so that she could un pack her things. Freddie sighed. He hoped he could make a better impression later on in the day.

By the end of eighth grade and the beginning of high school. Freddie had two best friends. Carly and Sam Puckett. Sam was originally Carly's friend but somehow became his best friend, too. By default. He enjoyed Sam. But only when she was nice. Which was rare. But hey, any friend of Carly's was a friend of his. Together, the three did a webshow called iCarly. It was a fun after school project. It offered him three benefits: A) he didn't have to endure any borring Mother-Son activities like Pottery Barn class with his Mom. Don't get him wrong, he loved his Mom to death but he could any take so much. B) He got to display his tech skills. Every show taping, he got to work out some new exciting tech kink with the girls and it would be exciting. To him at least. C) Most importantly, he got to spend a lot of time with Carly. Yeah, Sam was always there and Carly didn't feel the same way about him but any time with Carly was a good time.

Remember that puberty video in sixth grade Freddie didn't pay attention to? Well, it came to bite him in the ass big time. One day, he started sounding funny. "Will you hawk up a loogie or something? That scary new voice of yours is starting to annoy me" Sam insulted. Another day, he got taller. "How's the air up there?" Spencer joked. Normaly, he reached Spencer's shoulders now he was almost as tall as him. Except for that little two inch difference. Freddie was feeling awkward and confused by all the changes. But he wasn't the only one going through them. On a Saturday, Freddie was forced into going shopping with Carly and Sam. He dragged his feet as they entered Build-a-Bra. Freddie sat in a section that included boys who were dragged by their girlfriends. The TV had some show about fishing on it and all the good magazines were being read. So his mind began to wander. He looked over to his left. Carly was coming out of the dressing room and showing off a purple bra with glow in the dark straps to Sam. Freddie watched her laughing and smiling face and then his eyes began to wander at her chest. Carly had breasts. And they did fill out. Maybe if she didn't wear such a fluorescent colored bra, maybe he wouldn't have noticed it. But later on in the evening while he was sleeping, the image crept inside his head and then when he woke up, his pajama bottoms were wet and sticky.

"MOM!!" he yelled with that deeper than dark voice.

Now, a sixteen year old Freddie sat in the back of algebra class admiring Carly from behind. It was a sunny day outside and the light from the sun seemed to bounce off of Carly's shiny dark hair. She glowing in his eyes. Carly flipped her hair off her shoulder and turned her head at him and smiled. Freddie smiled back at her. Things have changed since Middle School. Sam and Carly were reduced to mutual acquaintances because of the different crowds they belonged in (Sam was with the trouble makers and rebellious kids, Carly was more of the wholesome bookworm crowd), and Freddie? He didn't belong to any sort of clique. He was still very much best friends with both girls.

After class, Freddie met up with Sam out near the bleachers. She always skipped second period to smoke cigarettes under the bleachers with her little posse.

"You're gonna ruin your lungs, you know?" he said as he watched her throw the stick on the floor and put it out.

"Eh, at least its not a liver, ya know?" Sam shrugged as the two began to walk "So, I was thinking, your Mom gonna be home tonight? I can bring a movie over and get some of the guys to come over…"

"Sam, you know I always eat dinner at Carly's every Wednesday." Freddie's Mom worked as a nurse. And every Wednesday she worked the night shift.

"Yeah but you do that all the time. Why not skip just one day?"

"But Carly and Spencer would be upset if I did."

"Carly? You've been in love with Carly Shay since middle school. Don't you think it's a little pathetic?"

"If wanting Carly Shay means I'm pathetic then my middle name shall be 'Pathetic'. Freddie Pathetic Benson…I like it." He walked ahead of her as she shook her head at him.

Later on in the evening, Freddie sat around the dinner table with Carly and Spencer. He sat there in silence as Spencer was going on about his high school days and Carly was across the table from him laughing. It was almost like he was in a trance the way he was watching her as she laughed. He was so distracted he didn't even notice that he had dropped a piece of ravioli on his shirt.

"Freddie…" Carly said to him "You have a stain on your shirt…"

"Oh" he quickly snapped back into reality "Uh, I'm gonna go to the bathroom…" he excused himself from the table and entered their bathroom. The Shay's bathroom was really nice. Spencer had painted the counters and the cabinets and even sculpted the lotion dispensers. Freddie then looked at himself in the mirror and then turned on the faucet and began to clean up the stain on his shirt. After he was done, he looked around the bathroom and found two bottles of shampoo. He picked up the girly looking one because the other one was an anti dandruff shampoo which he assumed belonged to Spencer because Carly didn't have dandruff. She was absolutely perfect. He opened the cap of the bottle of shampoo and smelled it. It was like someone captured the scent of Carly and then put it in a bottle.

Freddie smelled the shampoo so much that he was basically high off of its scent. His drug like state would suddenly be over once he heard his cellphone go off.

"Yo Benson, you done over there?" Sam asked as she was on the other line.

He rolled his eyes "Just about. Why?"

"I'm outside your door, nub."

"Alright, see you in a bit." He hung up his phone and remembered he was still holding the bottle of shampoo. He then hid it under his arm and went out. He thanked Carly and Spencer for the dinner and then walked out of their apartment to see Sam sitting on the floor "'Bout time! Ooh, snag any dinner for me?"

"No. Now come on, lets get inside before someone sees you…" Freddie opened the door and dragged Sam inside.

About half an hour into the movie, Freddie watched uncomfortably as the characters in the movie were making out and grouping eachother. Sam looked over at him and noticed his discomfort "What up with you? You look constipated…"

Freddie looked back at her "Just watch the movie okay?"

"How can I when I look back at you and it looks like you want to die." Sam quickly got a clue when she put two and two together. The makeout scene was making him feel awkward.

"Have you ever kissed a girl before?" Sam asked.

"What? Dude, you're crazy."

"What kind of response was that? I asked you a yes or no question and you called me crazy…"

"Alright, yeah, I have kissed a girl."

Sam raised her eyebrow not sure if she really believed him "Okay, I'm talking about a girl girl…not one made out of plastic…"

"Alright, fine! I have never kissed anyone yet. Happy now?" he sighed "Jeez…"

"Would you like to try?"

Freddie gave her a perplexed stare. Was she really asking him this? And to kiss Sam? There was only one girl he wanted to kiss and that was Carly. "You're not trick me and make me kiss your ass or your foot are you?"

"No. Just so you don't feel all…jittery…and just so you don't feel awkward about any of this…pretend like you're kissing Carly…"

Freddie tried to relax himself as he closed his eyes as he felt Sam's lips on his. The kiss was a bit messy at first but then she put her tongue inside his mouth. Freddie gasped at the new addition but his nerves finally settled down. Here he was. Making out with Sam.

Sam pulled away from him and wiped at her mouth "How did that feel?"

Freddie felt like a new man. And for some reason, his senses have heightened. He looked back at Sam like she had just blessed him with a new super power "I liked it…"

Now the thing is, Sam promised herself she wouldn't be attracted to him after that. But yeah, I guess that rule went out the window. She wanted more of it "You wanna do it again?"

And just like that, they continued with the make out session.

Kissing. That was the start of a whole new venture. The next day at school, Freddie was sitting in class watching Carly again but this time he wondered what it was like to kiss her. To slip a tongue in her mouth, to hold that slender waist, to have her hands running through his hair…

"Hi Freddie…" Shannon said behind him bursting his thought bubble.

"Hey…" Freddie turned around.

"Um, I was wondering what you were doing this weekend? My parents just got a Getaway house…indoor pool, game room…its gonna be lots of fun…"

"Uh…sure…" And that was another problem he had. He couldn't say no. Its not that he didn't find her attractive…In fact, Shannon was one of the most desirable girls in school. But she had a bit of a reputation.

"Alright, see you Saturday."

At lunch time, Freddie held his lunch tray as he spotted Carly sitting all by her lonesome at a table. He went to go approach her when Sam stood in his way "Where you going?"

"I'm going to sit with Carly…"

"No. Come on, lets go do something…" she grabbed his hand and led him to the bleachers.

Once there, she led him underneath and then started to kiss him. Holy crap, it was much better than the Sloppy Joes they were having for lunch today.

Later on that evening, Freddie stood in front of his bathroom mirror ready for bed in just his pajama bottoms. He looked back at his lanky image and wondered why Sam would kiss him. And why would Shannon invite him to stay over her rich vacation house? He certainly wasn't anything special. Back in middle school, yeah there were a few girls here and there but he was always the loser with the tech equipment. He would wonder why girls didn't like him. He wasn't ugly. His Mom told him every time what a handsome boy he was. Judging from the recent events, maybe he was growing into a handsome boy. And yet…Carly still wasn't paying attention.

The next day in school, all the Juniors were called into a special meeting. A safe sex meeting. Freddie sat with Sam and her friends as the school nurse went on about "special feelings" and condoms, and STD's.

"SHOW US A PORNO!!" Duke yelled out and high fived his friends.

"HEY, SHUT UP!" Sam turned around and yelled back.

"WHY SO DEFENCIVE, SAM? IS YOUR MOM IN THAT PORNO?!"

"YEAH, AT LEAST PEOPLE WOULD PAY TO SEE MY MOM NAKED CAUSE YOUR MOM JUST GIVES OUT FREEBIES!" and then Duke quickly shut up as the whole room praised Sam on her comeback.

Freddie watched her. Wow, Sam was a bossy one. And like an idiot, he wondered if she was that in demand in bed. Then he looked to his right to see Carly sitting with the smart kids. He knew it wasn't right but again, he wondered what she was like in bed. Maybe she was more softer and steadier than Sam. He would probably enjoy it more. Then to his left, Shannon was smiling at him and winking. Just for the heck of it, he wondered what she would be like in bed…a combination of the two maybe?

The nurse passed out condoms to the student body. Freddie got two and eyed them very strangely. This is a balloon you put on your no no parts, he thought. After the assembly, he walked by himself and found Sam in the hallway play fighting with Jonah. Her ex boyfriend. They got a bunch of condoms and started opening them and shooting them at eachother and other people like rubber bands. Passing through their little "battle field", Sam accidentally hit him in the eye with one of the damn things.

"Shit, that hurt…" Freddie held his eye in pain.

"Dude, I'm sorry…" Sam came to his aid.

"Don't ever get in the way of a condom fight…" Jonah joked.

"Was that pre lubed? I got some shit in my eye…"

Shannon quickly passed by them "Oh Freddie, here are the directions to my Vacation House." She handed him a piece of paper "Oh, and some stuff you need to bring. Later!"

Sam and Jonah looked at him "Vacation house? With Shannon?"

"Yeah, its nothing…"

"You're gonna need these…" Jonah pulled out about five condoms from his pocket and handed them over to him.

On Saturday afternoon, Freddie got dressed and drove to Shannon's. The place was big, fancy and expensive. He walked up to the doorway and rang the doorbell. A second later, Shannon answered the door in a really short white mini skirt and midriff baring little black t-shirt. "Come on in" she smiled.

Freddie made his way inside the ritzy house and then sat on the couch. Shannon was busy in the kitchen and then came back with two drinks. She handed one to him and he took a gulp and then wanted to yak "God, what is this?"

"Margarita." She smiled taking a casual swig.

It was definitely the first time he tried alcohol. After a few more sips and some small talk, Shannon had asked him if he wanted to go swimming. He wanted to say No but it came out as Yes again. And then a few minutes later, he was standing near the pool in his trunks looking painfully nervous to get in.

"The water is nice and warm…" Shannon swam around in her black bikini "Come on, Freddie…"

He put one foot in and then another foot. Then he went down the mini steps of the pool until he was fully into the water. Shannon swam to him and put her arms around his neck.

"Um, what are we doing?" Freddie asked nervously.

"You looked tense" Shannon replied "I just thought I could help you ease the feeling" she then kissed him. The kiss was some what violent. Slutty, shall he say? All he had to do was pretend as if he was kissing Carly. Just like he had done with Sam. Although, kissing Sam was almost like what he imagined kissing Carly would be like. This kiss was wild and crazy. Wow, he can definitely tell the boys from the A.V. club about how he already kissed two girls and they wanted it.

Shannon surprised Freddie by wrapping her legs around his waist. Oh this was very new and he somehow became aroused when Shannon reached down his trunks and felt his member "Have you ever had sex before?" she whispered in his ear.

"No. No I have not."

Freddie had to make a mental note to thank Jonah for the condoms because about a few minutes later, he was sprawled out on Shannon's bed naked and in a daze. The moment was a little funny. Shannon had experience and she was telling him what to do, and in return, she had sucked him off. What kind of world was this? This world wherein Freddie Benson gets kissed by two different girls and then loses his virginity?

"You were made for fucking…" Shannon said rolling to her side to kiss him.

He kissed back and began to wonder if it was true.

Back at school, Freddie was walking with his head high and went towards Sam and Jonah who seemed closer than ever.

"I'm back together with Jonah" Sam told Freddie.

"Oh." The news didn't really affect him. After all, he wasn't in love with Sam. He was in love with Carly. But somehow, yeah, I guess it did hit him in a way. Now that she had a boyfriend, did that mean that she was gonna stop making out with him randomly? Say it isn't so! He thought. She was a great kisser.

"Oh, and hey man, there's gonna be a really shit crazy party going down this Friday. You should go. Everyone is gonna be there." Jonah said.

Jonah wasn't kidding when he said "Everyone is gonna be there". When he went through the door of someone's house he didn't know, about fucking everyone was at the party. Everyone in their Junior class, that is. And maybe he was exaggerating about the everyone part but there were quite a lot of people. Tons of familiar faces…even the gorgeous one over by the punch. Freddie was surprised to see Carly there. She was chatting with some people and normally, she wasn't into parties. Carly was wholesome.

Freddie was about to walk up to her when Shannon blocked his way "Freddie!" she slurred. It was obvious she was drunk "Lets go to the closet so I can suck your-"

"Fredward!" Jonah interrupted. And thank god for that. "Come on, the gang is all here…"

Jonah led Freddie to Sam and the rest of their friends. With a beer in his hand, he chatted up with the rest of the group until someone from accidentally stepped on the back of his shoe.

"I am so sorry" the female voice said.

"Carly?" Freddie turned around.

"Freddie! Hey!" she hugged him "I guess everyone really is at this party."

"I know, tell me about it. What about you? No big study group night tonight?"

"Well, Spencer had me go. I think he was just trying to spend some alone time with his new girlfriend Elisha."

"Wow, go Spencer."

"Yeah, haha, well…I'm here. I know we haven't had a lot of time to hang out since I'm kinda busy with A.P. classes…"

"Nah, its okay. Just do what you need to do."

"Hey guys!" Sam came towards them with two tequila shots "I just happen to have two shot glasses here…" she handed one to each of them.

"Um, no thanks, Sam." Carly tried to give the shot glass back "Spencer would kill me if he knew I was drinking tonight…"

Freddie followed suit "Yeah, I don't think so…"

"Oh come on you guys! What's one shot gonna do?"

And after awhile later, Freddie was buzzed and Carly was drunk off her ass. Sam peer pressured them into shot after shot. Freddie handled his alcohol like a pro but Carly? Poor girl, she could barely stand. She really was a lightweight drinker. Freddie sat on the couch making sure Carly was alright but then Sam grabbed his hand and led him into the closet.

"What are we doing?" Freddie asked as they were standing in the dark closet. His question was answered when she pulled him into a kiss.

Sam kissed him viciously until he had broke the kiss. She breathed hard "Why'd you stop?"

"Okay, I'm just a little bit confused here…You have a boyfriend…he's right outside…and you know I like Carly…"

"Yeah, so?"

"Why did you pull me in here to makeout?"

"I don't know…quit being such a pussy, Fredward. Just…pretend I'm Carly…" she pulled him and kissed him some more.

Freddie held back again "Sam, no! Carly is out there hammered and who knows what could happen to her?"

Frustrated, Sam rolled her eyes and sighed "Dammit, Freddie…I don't know why you care about her so much. She's not into you. You know what?" Sam opened the door "There you go, big boy. Here's your big chance…"

When Freddie got out of the closet, maybe the Gods were reading his mind or something because Carly all of a sudden stumbled towards him "Freddie" she slurred "I'm so glad you're here…"

"Yeah, I need to get you home…" he replied.

"No! Fuck that! Lets go in here…" she dragged him into one of the empty rooms and sat him on the bed. Freddie knew it was wrong but the male conscience was telling him that this was probably the only chance he would get to be closer to her.

Carly slipped off her shirt and wow, she was wearing the bra that he had fantasized about the first time he had a wet dream. She then sat on his lap and started kissing him. The kiss was sloppy and unexpected. Not a real Carly kiss. But then again, this Carly was not herself at the moment.

Freddie kissed her back but then she started to cry. He held back the kissing and then looked back at her.

"I don't wanna do this…" she sobbed "I'm a good girl. Why am I doing this?"

"You're right" Freddie replied "You shouldn't be doing this. Do you want to go home?"

Carly nodded and sobbed more. Freddie carried her out of the room and back into the living room.

"Carly!" Kevin Truman, a boy who was in one of Carly's study groups, said as he walked up to them "Jeez, what happened?"

"She had a bit too much to drink." Freddie replied.

"Its cool. Look man, I can take her home. I was the one who brought her here…"

"No. You stay, I can do it" Freddie protested

"Kevin…" Carly slurred.

"It's fine. I'll do it." He took Carly off of Freddie's hands. Freddie watched them leave then looked down and sighed. What kind of fucked up shit was this? He went back to Jonah and Sam and drank himself silly. After endless laughing and drinks, Jonah hooked his arm around him and took him to the side "Hey, check what I've got here…" he pulled out two white pills and gave one to him.

Freddie eyed the pills strangely "What is this?"

"Candy" Jonah popped one in his mouth and downed it with beer and then went back to their little group.

Freddie cautiously put the mysterious white pill into his mouth and downed it with his beer. And maybe it really was candy because nothing happened. Yet.

It didn't take long for the "candy" (a.k.a ecstasy) to take effect. Freddie was on a wonderful high that had him dancing with two girls as the pulsating music took over him. The rest of the night was one complete blur.

In the morning, Freddie woke up in a bed. Not his bed. But the bed of the house he was in. He sat up and he still had his shirt on but his pants were on the floor. There were two bodies next to him. He looked at the first person. "Shannon?" he then got nervous as he looked at the other body "Valerie?"

Freddie froze in panic "Fuck…" he sighed.

(chapter 2 coming soon!)


	3. The Act Becomes the Art of Growing Up

**The Act Becomes the Art of Growing Up**

When Freddie got back home from the party, Mrs. Benson was asleep in the living room. He tip toed to her "Mom" he said lightly as he shook her.

Mrs. Benson immediately woke up "Fredward! Where have you been all night? I've been calling everyone!"

"Well, it was too late to go home so I slept at Gibby's" he lied as he made his way to the kitchen "Do we have any aspirin? My head is killing me…" he dug through the drawers.

"What is it?" Mrs. Benson went to her son and felt his forehead "Do you have a fever? You look a little uneasy…" she grabbed the phone "I'm calling Dr. Shmedricks…"

"No. No you don't have to. I'm pretty sure it's nothing. I, uh, I'm gonna go lie down…." He made his way to his room. And as he was going, Mrs. Benson watched him leave feeling like something had happen to him. She didn't want to think too much about it but it still haunted her.

Later on in the day, Freddie went outside his place to take the garbage out. Carly was coming out of her place the same time as he was

"Hey Freddie" she said "You need a hand?"

"Nah, I'm okay. I got this. You wanna walk down with me?"

"Sure"

The two walked down the stairs and to the lobby and out the front doors to the huge garbage bin. Carly helped as Freddie dumped the garbage bag into the bin. They then made their way back into the building.

"That was some party, huh?" Carly said in an attempt at small talk.

"Yeah, it was kinda raging." Freddie replied. And yeah, I guess you could call his night _some kind of party_

Freddie walked her to the front of her door "I'm sorry If I tried to do make you do something…from what I understand I had a little too much to drink" Carly laughed a little.

"Its cool. I didn't even think about trying anything on you."

"I don't know what I'd do without you." Carly whispered holding his hand "You're my best friend…"

_A best friend _Freddie wasn't too thrilled with the choice of words but it was an honor to be at least _something _special to her "Of course" he smiled at her.

On Monday at school, Freddie walked the hallways as girls smiled at him. He was kinda confused but hey, it was good. Sam and Jonah were walking towards him smiling.

"I heard you got Valerie pregnant." Sam said.

"What? I didn't…Oh no, is she?" Freddie started to panic.

"Relax, dude. She was kidding." Jonah replied as he laughed.

"Um, hey Freddie" Valerie came up to him "I was wondering if you'd like to come over tonight. I'm having a little trouble with math…"

Freddie had to over think this. He remembered waking up next to her and Shannon after the party and right now, Valerie seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing. Like it never happened "Well…Um, I uh…"

"If this is about the other night, I won't try anything on you…I swear…" she promised.

That night, Freddie stood in her doorway and rung the doorbell. He stood nervous as the door opened as he expected Valerie's Mom to be there. Nope, it was Valerie.

"Hey Val-Whoaa!" before he could finish, she grabbed him by the shirt pulling him inside.

"Come on, my parents are gone" she said breathlessly as she kissed him.

She kissed and kissed him and lead him inside her room where she pushed him on the bed and kissed him some more. Well, she lied. She was all over him the second he came into the door. It was times like this when he wondered why people say that boys are the ones with the raging hormones. Not true. It seemed the him that the roles had reversed. Freddie was the innocent one and the girls he had been with over the past weeks were the ones who wanted it the most. He had been fascinated at the fact that he hasn't been able to reject any of these girls. Yeah, they were all gorgeous but they weren't Carly…Carly…by now, you're probably thinking he was a jerk for being with these girls and having feelings towards one. But maybe this was all practice for him. Practice for when he will finally get together with Carly and he could come off as more experienced and mature with the intimate side.

Dream on, Freddie Benson…

At school the next day, Freddie got a rude awakening when he saw Carly walking with Kevin Truman who took her home on the night of the party. He watched from afar as she was holding hands with him. He had walked her to her locker and when they parted ways, she kissed him. As he stood there, he felt the whole world go by him and his heart was breaking. If only he had stood up and taken her home instead of Kevin.

With a dark cloud hanging over him, he walked to World History class and took a seat. Suddenly, a familiar looking attractive leggy blonde woman walked into their classroom. Their World History teacher was a bald man in him fifties. This certainly wasn't him. Freddie had to do a double take to finally figure out who she was.

"Hello class. Mr. Ostrum has been hit by a car yesterday. Right now he is undergoing some serious surgery. For now, I am your teacher." The woman wrote her name on the board and Freddie's eyes widened.

"I'm Miss. Ackerman" she smiled.

Miss Ackerman. Freddie had history with her. She was his history teacher back when he was in middle school and she was also Spencer's crazy controlling ex-girlfriend. Freddie thought the school board of Seattle had gotten rid of her but apparently not. Five years in a mental institute and now she's back into teaching. Freddie highly doubted five years wasn't enough.

Miss Ackerman made her way up and down the rows handing out a syllabus on what to expect from her. She passed by Freddie and smiled

"I have I met you before?" she asked.

"No…I don't think you have" Freddie replied swallowing hard.

She gave Freddie one long look before moving on to the next desk. At lunch time, Freddie sat with Jonah and Sam watching Carly sitting there eating her lunch.

Sam flung peas at his face and nothing happened "Okay, Obsession, you've gotten laid, you've made out with chicks…what's wrong?"

"Nothing…"

"You're still in love with Carly…"

"So what, okay?"

"No! No 'so what'. Freddie…she's with a geek like Kevin Truman. And yeah, you're a geek too but now you're a cool geek! A geek who can tell all the guys in the Galaxy Wars forum that you got laid and it was real. Not cyber laid…"

"You know what? Come with me, man. I'll give you a little pick me up…" Jonah got up from his seat as Freddie followed him to the East hall bathroom. A bathroom that almost no one went to.

"Okay, what are we doing? Are you giving me more of that stuff you gave me at the party? Lemme tell ya, that stuff freaked me out…"

"No. And I know you're stressed over that Carly chick. But this can help you, bro…" Jonah handed him a bag of cocaine.

Freddie eyed the bag strangely "Are you kidding me, dude? Cocaine? No. Absolutely not."

"Hey Scruff McGruff, cocaine is not as bad as they say it is. And you don't even have to be addicted to it. I know all this stress you're going through. Come on, just do a line with me. It'll be cool…"

"Does Sam know you do this?"

"Not exactly but I don't think she'll be freaked if she did."

Not wanting to really jump at the chance, he quickly denied the offer. He did ecstasy and that was all the dugs he needed for his entire life. "Nah, man. I'm okay." He then made his way to class as the bell rang. English class. One of the classes Freddie had with Carly. They were meeting in the library to do research on a paper for a book they were reading. Freddie went to Carly's table. Kevin was there as well.

"Hey Benson" Kevin smiled.

"Hey Freddie, you ready to start outlining for the essay?" Carly smiled.

"Yeah, uh, I did some of that already…" Freddie pulled out his books and binder and took a seat.

Throughout the whole class, Carly and Kevin made kissy faces at eachother and endlessly flirted. It bothered him like no other. It was when Kevin gave Carly an Eskimo kiss that Freddie wanted to pop "I need to go to the bathroom…" he said getting up.

Freddie left the library and turned to the hallway and towards Jonah's World History class. He waved his hands in the air hoping Jonah would see him in the door window. Jonah caught a glimpse of him, asked to be excused and then met him at the door.

"What up, Benson?" Jonah asked.

"I need it, man…I need it right now…" Freddie replied.

"Lets go."

The boys went off to the East hall bathroom and then did a few quick lines enough not to be suspicious. Freddie felt a sudden rush as he went back to the library and sat with Carly and Kevin.

"So uh" he rubbed his hands together "What are we doing here? What's the thing?"

"Well, we were discussing how each essay would be structured…" Carly replied as she was holding the outline paper.

"Lemme see that" Freddie grabbed the piece of paper from her and read through everything "This? This is shit! Who wrote this?"

"Um, I did…" Kevin spoke up "And I would appreciate you not calling my ideas _shit._"

"Well if you didn't write so much shit then I wouldn't be calling it shit, would I?" Freddie then laughed his head off and crumpled up the paper and tossed it over his head hitting the teacher in the head.

"Freddie, what is wrong with you?" Carly asked afraid of his behavior.

"Just living my life."

"Excuse me Mr. Benson" Mr. Sapone, the English teacher said as he came up to their groupe "Did you toss this?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It hit me in the head…"

Freddie then broke out in monstrous boastful laughter "They should put a bulls eye on top of your head!" the response got a uproarious laughter from the rest of the class. Carly and Kevin looked at him strangely. Especial Carly. She knew Freddie for quite a long time and this wasn't who he was.

After class, Freddie did more coke with Jonah in the bathroom. When he left school that day he was feeling like the world was moving fast and fast. He got to his place when Carly opened her door "Freddie…" she called.

"Hey!" Freddie replied cheerfully

"Um, I just…you're okay right? You seemed so uppity today in class…"

"Yeah, yeah yeah I'm fine!" he nodded his head frantically.

"Okay, um, well, you're still coming over for tonight, right?"

"Yeah! I'll be there!"

In the evening, usually, he'd already be at Carly's place just hanging out while dinner was being cooked but this time he stayed at home doing a line since Mrs. Benson wasn't home. There was a knock at the door but he didn't care to hear it because of the loud music that was blasting from his stereo.

Sam was at the other end of the door knocking and ringing the doorbell until someone opened it. When her requests weren't answered, she decided to pick the lock with her hair clip. The door instantly opened and she walked in to see Freddie sniffing up a line.

"Oh my god…" she stood stunned.

Freddie turned around "Sam! Okay, this is not what it looks like…"

"You're the last person I would've expected to see do that…"

"No! See, I've only done this twice. I'm only doing it cause I'm stressed…I can drop it at anytime! Try it!"

"What? Okay, you are high as shit right now and I don't wanna follow suit…" Sam turned to leave.

"Come on! Just try it. Its not that bad. Plus, do you wanna be here? Or stuck at home with your crazy Mom?"

It didn't take long till Sam was on her knees doing a line along with him. The two laughed and did more lines till Freddie got a call on his cellphone. "Hello? Oh yeah, okay, I'll be there! Bye!" he closed his phone.

"Who was that?" Sam asked.

"Carly…She cooked dinner…"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about Dinner time lameness with Carly…"

"Go with me!"

Carly just wiped her hands on the kitchen rag as she was finished making dinner with Spencer and Elisha. The doorbell rang "Oh, that must be Freddie…" she went to go answer it.

"SURPRISE!" Freddie and Sam said in unison as they made their way in.

"Freddie…Sam? Grab a seat…" Carly closed the door.

"I hope you don't mind that I brought Sam along"

"No, not at all…"

Carly, Sam, and Freddie all made their way to the table. And as the food was being passed around, Freddie and Sam laughed at eachother. Sam looked at Elisha strangely "Who's the broad?" she asked.

Carly and Spencer looked at eachother "Oh, where are my manners, this is Elisha. My girlfriend…" Spencer replied.

"Hi, nice to meet you." Elisha said.

Sam ignored her and then looked at the food being served "What kind of crap is this?" she said.

Freddie laughed "I know! I was going to say the same thing!"

Carly looked in panic as she watched Sam and Freddie's unusual behaviors. Throughout dinner, they acted hyper and couldn't stop talking. And the scary part was they kept talking about random things and nothing. The whole night had turned into a disaster. After Freddie and Sam left, Carly helped Spencer and Elisha clear the table and clean the plates.

"What was up with Sam and Freddie?" Spencer asked.

"I don't know…he was like that during class today, too."

"You don't suppose its…" Spencer then shook off the thought of it "Nah."

And like that, Freddie had been lost in the world of drugs. He usually got it from Jonah and the three of them (Sam included) would partake in the drug usage. Mrs. Benson worried a lot about Freddie. He came home late, he was getting thinner, his moods went from really hyper to really tired, his sleeping patterns were usual and he used to be so interested in tech stuff but now all he cared about was being with Jonah and Sam in order to get that fix.

One day after school, Freddie came storming through the door and saw his Mrs. Benson sitting there when she should be at work "Mom…what are you doing here?"

Mrs. Benson sighed "I took a day off from work to spend some time with you." She got up and went to him "I know I've been working a lot and I just wanted to spend some time with my wonderful baby boy! So I've got a fun night planned for us! First we're going to see a movie, and go to Chuck E. Cheddars!"

"Mom, I've got plans…" Freddie made his way to his room.

"Fredward, I never see you anymore…come on, please…" and before she could get a response, he was locked in his room.

Locking the door, Freddie dialed Jonah "Hey man, you got some?"

"I'm fresh out. You gotta stop getting freebies offa me, dude. That shit costs money."

"How much? I've got money."

"Alright. The guy I know is having this shindig tonight. I'll come get you tonight."

In the evening, Freddie got into a car with Jonah and drove forty five minutes from Seattle only to arrive at a huge ritzy looking house with lots of cars parked in front of it. When they got out of the car and walked up to the entrance, the door was open. There was a huge party going on inside with flashing neon lights and pulsating music playing. There was smoking going through the air as Freddie and Jonah made their way through the crowd of bodies dancing and most likely intoxicated.

"There's the guy right there!" Jonah yelled and pointed to a short blonde boy sitting with a few boys around.

They made their way to the boy and as they were closer Freddie recognized the boy's face.

"Nevel Papperman!" Jonah greeted "How goes it!"

"Hello, Jonah. I'm doing quite well, thank you." He eyed Freddie "I see you brought a friend with you…"

"Yeah, this is Freddie Benson. We uh, came for some stuff…"

"Whoa, wait, did you just say Freddie Benson?"

Jonah turned to Freddie "You know this guy?"

"Yeah, he kinda trashed the webshow I had when I was younger…"

Nevel eyed Freddie up and down "Looks like you've aged pretty well I must say."

Freddie looked at him with fear. And for the record, Nevel looked exactly the same. But older. "Uh, you look good, too…"

"Jonah, why don't you go ahead and enjoy the party. I kinda want to have a little talk with Mr. Benson here…"

"But what about the stuff?"

"I'll give you the junk later. Just let me have a moment alone with Sir Benson, alright?"

Jonah sighed "Later.And make this quick alright? My Mom's gonna freak. I told her we were just going to Inside Out Burger…"

"Run along, Jonah!" Nevel raised his voice till Jonah was gone and then focused his attention towards Freddie "Have a seat, cupcake."

Freddie nervously sat next to him "So uh…hows it going?"

"I'm quite fine. My my you have such an adorable face…"

Freddie tried to ignore the compliment. It was almost as if Nevel was trying to come on to him "Hey, um, remember Carly Shay? Dude, she's gotten so hot…still like her?"

Nevel laughed a little "Oh you're so funny! Lets just say that now I…I bat for another team…prefer hotdogs over cookies…"

_Enough with the analogies, Papperman. I get it, you're gay. _Freddie thought. He just wanted to get the coke and get out of there. But Nevel had other things in store for him "Join me?" he held out some E.

Freddie took the pill and downed it with the beer bottle Nevel handed him. Once again, the party was swirling all around him and he got up to dance. As he lazily swayed to the music, Nevel was right behind him and turned him around. Freddie was too intoxicated to notice but Nevel was pulling his head down and pull him into a kiss. Lips were sloppily moving and tongues massaged eachothers and Nevel had slipped some coke into his pocket.

Jonah saw what was going on and went over and grabbed Freddie from Nevel "Come on dude, we gotta go…"

"You can go, he can stay…" Nevel pulled Freddie.

"I'll tell your Mom about this party…"

"In that case, I guess you guy have to go…"

Jonah dragged Freddie out of the party and got him inside the car and drove off. "Dude, why did you do that?" Freddie asked wearily.

"Do what?"

"You pulled me out of the party…I was making out with a hot chick…"

"Well, that hot chick happened to be Nevel…"

"Shit…"

Jonah laughed and then sighed "You got the stuff?"

Freddie dug into his pockets "Yeah, right here…"

"Suh-weet…"

After that night, Freddie continued his drug filled escapades and didn't see anything wrong with it. Of course, Carly was beginning to get scared and curious as to what was happening with him and his Mom worried the hell out of herself. Also going down in flames? His school work. Freddie was such a great student. But one by one his grades were plummeting. If it wasn't getting any stranger, Miss Ackerman was taking a liking to him. She gave him good grades even though his work was garbage, she didn't mind if he came in late, she always smiled at him and complimented him, too.

One day, as he was leaving class, Miss Ackerman sat on the top of her desk and eyed Freddie as he was making it towards the door "Oh, Freddie…"

He froze and turned around "Yes?"

"I've been concerned about you Mr. Benson…" she licked her lips and crossed her legs seductively "Come have a seat…"

"But I have to get to class…" he said nervously.

"I can write you a pass…"

"Don't you have a next class?"

"Its my free period…"

She had answer to everything and Freddie couldn't beat that. He nervously sat down at one of the vacant desks as Miss Ackerman got off her desk and walked up to him "Your work hasn't been all that great and you've been coming in looking a mess…tell me whats been going on?"

"Nothing, ma'am…" Freddie swallowed hard.

"I believe in you, Freddie Benson…You're a handsome and smart young man…" she went closer to him and trailed her finger down the bridge of his nose "A _very _handsome and smart young man…"

The feel of her touch sent shivers down his spine as he tried not to think about what was happening. Freddie had been used for sex so many times in the past few weeks he didn't need it from a teacher. Miss Ackerman nonetheless.

"How about some motivation?" and before he could even come to his senses, Miss Ackerman was kissing him. Her kisses were vicious, passionate, wild, sensual and everything he thought an older woman's kisses would be. In the kiss, Freddie was thinking about a million things at once. He also thought about why Spencer would break up with this woman when she was pretty much the best kisser ever! Oh yeah…she was fucking nuts, that's why.

After the kiss, Freddie looked back at Miss Ackerman like a wave had just crashed down on him. She smiled back at him "Oh my, will you look at the time? I guess I'll have to write that pass for you…" she scribbled down on a piece of pink paper and then handed it to Freddie who got up from the desk not wanting to speak after that. She walked him out of the classroom and then winked at him "Later, tiger."

Later on in the day, Freddie got home, flung his stuff on the floor and sat on the couch. He took out a tin Altoids box from his backpack and opened it as he placed it into the coffee table. It was a bag of cocaine but nothing to make a line with. "Shit…" he went off to the bathroom to find a razor.

Carly came out of her place and knocked on Freddie's slightly opened door. "Freddie?" she called out. Nothing. Taking her chances, she opened the door and made her way in. No one was in the living room but she saw his backpack on the couch. She went closer and then saw the bag of cocaine and gasped.

"Carly?" Freddie said behind her. SHIT. He figured she must have saw the cocaine on the table.

Carly turned around and stared back at him like she had seen a ghost "What is this?"

**(next chapter coming soon)**


	4. It Used to Be the Reason I Breathed

**A/N: **short chapter today, guys. ive got some school work going on. this chapter is very dark. and semi inspired by the taking back sunday song "liar (it takes one to know one)". enjoy.

* * *

**It Used To Be the Reason I Breathed But Now It's Choking Me Up…**

It was midnight when Freddie was walking in the street. He had his eyes closed high as fuck on cocaine. His nose was bleeding and the cold cold air was burning his skin as he recalled that day…

"_What is this?" _

_Freddie couldn't explain himself for the life of him. Especially in front of Carly "You better get out of here…" he began to push her out of the apartment. _

_Carly was speechless as she got out. When Freddie closed the door he sighed and went back to his business. _

After that, he hadn't really got a chance to explain himself. Up until the next day at school when he tried to remain invisible during class. When the dismissal bell rang, Freddie had one foot at the door when Carly grabbed his shoulder. Feeling a sudden rush of guilt coming, he turned around.

"Hey, Carls…" he said.

"Um, I want to talk to you out near the bleachers if that's fine…" she asked.

"Sure. Like right now?"

"Yeah."

And off they went. Freddie dragged his feet as he followed Carly. He felt a hot heavy load of blame on his back. As they got up the stairs, they sat on the bleachers. Freddie looked at Carly. Her pouty lips, fair complexion, and dark hair blowing in the wind. She was so beautiful. And Freddie hated himself for appearing so horrible.

"So talk to me, Freddie…What's going on?" she asked.

Freddie sighed "If this is about what you saw the other day, I have an explanation for that…it helps me with all the stress that I've been through…I just need you to keep your mouth shut for me, please?"

"I will. But…are you addicted to it? Like do you always need it?"

"No. Its not that bad. I'm not hooked…" Freddie lied. He damn well lied. "I can drop it at any time…"

"Okay. Well, I will keep my mouth shut. I just want you to get it out of your system. I want you to drop it. I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you. Promise you will?"

Freddie looked into those eyes. Those sweet caring eyes. "I promise. Just as long as you promise not to tell…"

"Deal." She smiled "But…there is something else I wanted to tell you…"

"Shoot…"

"Okay, so Spencer and I are moving to California…"

"What? No, you can't…" Freddie got up and sighed

"But its not final, yet. He's up for a job designing movie sets and we haven't heard from the company yet. That's why I went to your house. I went over to tell you. Now I just need you to stay clean for me while I'm still here."

"I can do it. I'll do anything for you…"

"Great" Carly stood up and hugged him "Now be a gentleman and walk me to class." She smiled. The two then made their way back to the school building.

That night, Freddie did so much coke with Jonah he could barely smell anything. The news got to him. He didn't want Carly to leave and her certainly didn't want her to leave knowing that they would only just be friends. He wanted her. And Freddie had always said that its not a matter of just being her boyfriend. He wanted to hold her, make her happy…things a friend couldn't do. And he was willing to fight for her. So there was no way he was staying in the friends zone. His promise went through the window. And he had good reason. Or so he thought he did.

"Where's Sam?" Freddie asked sniffing and squeezing his nose.

"I don't know…probably grounded. She's off the shit now, did you hear? Maybe that should give me reason to quit too…" Jonah replied before doing a line.

The room was silent with thought. Did he just say that? "Nah!" Jonah smiled and continued to do his line.

From then on, Freddie led a double life. Carly was on his case all the time. Making sure he didn't fall back into it. She figured that all he needed was at least a decent and clean friend supporting his way into sobriety. But she didn't know about the other side. That side outweighed the good. Freddie hung out with Jonah and had all sorts of meaningless drug induced sex with girls. An arrogant fool he was, calling himself the "King of Quiet". But it didn't take long for his cover to be blown.

One night, there was another party at nameless someone's house. Freddie was doing coke with Jonah and a few other people in a bedroom where someone forgot to close the door. Now Freddie didn't expect her to be there, but Carly passed by the room looking for a bathroom. Needless to say, she felt betrayed. Freddie was too high to notice her standing there for a good two minutes revaluating her friendship with him.

The next day, Freddie got the shock of his life when he returned home to Mrs. Benson, Spencer, and Carly all sitting in the living room waiting for him.

"What is this? What's going on?" he asked confused.

"Well, we're all concerned with you, sweetie…" Mrs. Benson replied. All Freddie could do was look at Carly who had her head down. Another promise being broken.

"Concerned with what?"

"Freddie…" Spencer chimed in "You're like a little brother to me…so if there's anything you wanna talk about, you can always come to me…"

"Yeah, uh, thanks but no thanks…actually, I want to talk to Carly right now…"

"Yeah, sure…" she followed him into his room.

"You told them, didn't you? How could you do this to me after you promised me you wouldn't?" Freddie yelled.

"No! You broke your promise first, Freddie…you fucking lied to me!" Carly shot back.

"That is bullshit! I've been clean this whole time! You have no proof…"

"I was at that party last night…"

And Carly wasn't stupid. Freddie was the stupid one to think he could keep those charades up for as long as he wanted. He stood there not even thinking about what to say next. She had cornered him into a wall.

"How long as it been going on since you made that promise to me, huh?" she asked.

"It was just that one time…"

Carly went towards his backpack as he tried to keep her away. With one swift move, she pushed him to the side and opened the pack. A bag of cocaine fell out. Carly turned around "Just one time? And you were going to do it again, weren't you?"

"Okay, do you want to know why I do it?" Freddie grew serious "Because you make me do this…"

Carly began to cry at the tone of his voice. She didn't want to hear any of this.

"You're always prancing around and juggling the fact that I can't have you in front of me…"

"Oh no, don't you dare pull that out on me! I'm only trying to help you, Freddie…"

"You're a cock tease! And that's all you will ever be!"

Carly knew Freddie was talking nonsense. She then moved passed him to get to the door "I can't take this anymore" she sobbed "I'm going to your Mom and telling her straight up that you need to be taken care of…"

"You're not going to do anything…" Freddie grabbed her arm and gripped it tightly.

"Freddie, let go of me. Please!" she sobbed some more.

Without warning, he pushed her on the floor. Hearing the loud thud, Mrs. Benson and Freddie quickly rushed into the room and found Carly on the ground. Spencer came to her aid as Mrs. Benson looked at Carly and then looked back at Freddie.

"Mom…" he said not ready to explain himself.

"Get out of here…you're not my son. You're a monster…" she replied.

**(chapter 4 coming soon)**


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